Which Spice Girl would you eat first?

[barracad]

You are trapped on a desert island with the Spice Girls. Food and rum have run out. You are weak from hunger and there is no hope of rescue.

Which Spice Girl would you eat first?

The Ginger Spice, The Sporty Spice, The Tall Spice, The Relatively Posh Spice, or The Other Spice

[Bookworm]

Ginger, of course: a) more flesh on her, b) if she's ginger, she comes pre-flavoured.

Sporty would be too tough to chew, Posh would be too full of additives, Baby would even be blander than the others, and Scary, well, it's all very well trying to eat her, but she IS scary, could end up with her eating me instead.

And what have I done so bad in this life that I should be punished by being stuck on an island with them anyway?

[barracad]

Originally Posted by Bookworm

And what have I done so bad in this life that I should be punished by being stuck on an island with them anyway?

Do you want the short or long version?

[jansus]

posh- a bit of david may have rubbed off on her - TASTY!!!

[noobrider]

posh hasnt got an ounce of meat on her i've seen more meat on a butchers penknife. yuk... I would eat scary she has some meaty thighs amongst other bits that would keep me well fed for a bit...now that baby is tasty ....lol

[dave]

...and from the title, I was actually quite interested.

[alanfromderby]

Doesn't really matter - the skill is in the cooking!!

[Lula]

Originally Posted by dave

...and from the title, I was actually quite interested.

i am surprised, i thought that they would be too old for you by now chuck

[hisholinessthepope]

If they started singing would be forced to eat all of them at once, then enjoy the peace and quiet.

[dave]

Originally Posted by Lula

i am surprised, i thought that they would be too old for you by now chuck

Well, there is some truth in that!

[The cobbett slayer]

I would have to start with Beckham Spice. I probably wouldn't actually eat her but at least I would have the pleasure of killing her.

[livelylad]

The one that shaved the most recently.

[Mad Hatter]

Baby Spices thighs would last forever anyway... and then she couldn't run away either....

[PPMAN159]

Originally Posted by dave

...and from the title, I was actually quite interested.

Yep-it caught my attention as well!!

[jansus]

and with least silicone

I would definitely eat Baby Spice first - but I'd need to make sure she'd been properly spit-roasted first....

[alanfromderby]

Preparation

Once you have selected your human it is time to prepare it for cooking. Unfortunately, most modern stores still do not carry human, so it will be up to you to butcher and clean the carcass.

For those of us who are unfamiliar with butchering their own meat we may want to consider paying the local butcher shop to do it for you. If you are up to doing the job yourself, there are many great reference books, such as Grey's Anatomy, to help you along.

While some organ meat is quite good, most human organs are just too foul to be safely eaten. Brain is the most popular organ meat followed closely by kidneys.

Avoid eating the liver at all costs, as humans tend to abuse their livers and thus they are full of lethal toxins.

Like other large animals, the average human will yield quite a lot of meat of various qualities and types. Typical cuts are bicep steaks, rump roasts and thigh hams. Ribs are very popular for the bar-b-q and fingers are great when tossed in a nice buffalo wing coating and baked.

Cooking

It is important to cook your human thoroughly, as they tend to be filled with a wide array of viruses and bacteria.

Human flesh should not be consumed unless it has been cooked to an internal temperature of at least 160°F. With that in mind, you can pretty much substitute human in any of your existing beef or pork recipes, but, since human meat has a genetic resemblance to pork, it is more common to use in pork recipes.

Slow cooking tends to be the best way to bring out all of the natural flavors while optimizing the texture of the meat. As with all meats, you never want to over-cook your human. A general rule of thumb for oven roasting your human is 15-20 minutes per pound, but cooking times vary according to the recipe you are using.

Recipes

As stated above, humans can be incorporated into almost any recipe that calls for meat, but here are a few time honored recipes to get you started!

Corned Human and Cabbage

One 3-pound human brisket, soaked in brine
16 cups cold water
2 bay leaves
2 teaspoons black peppercorns
2 whole allspice berries
2 whole cloves
1/2 large head green cabbage, cut into 8 thick wedges (about 2 pounds)
8 small new potatoes, halved
Freshly ground black pepper

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Place the corned human in a colander in the sink and rinse well under cold running water. Place the corned human in a large Dutch Oven with a tight-fitting lid; add the water, bay leaves, peppercorns, allspice and cloves. Bring to a boil, uncovered, and skim off any scum (many humans are full of scum).

Cover and place in oven, then braise until tender, about 4 hours. Remove meat to a cutting board and cover with foil to keep warm. Add vegetables to cooking liquids and bring to a boil. Lower heat and simmer for about 20 minutes. Carve the human into thin slices and serve with the vegetables.

Human Stew

Vegetable oil, for searing
2 1/2 pounds shoulder meat, cut into 2-inch cubes
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
2 tablespoons unsalted butter
2 medium onions, cut into 6ths
5 cloves garlic, crushed
1 tablespoon tomato paste
1/3 cup all-purpose flour, or to cover
10 cups cold water, or chicken or human broth, homemade or low-sodium canned
6 sprigs parsley
6 sprigs fresh thyme
2 bay leaves
1 1/4 pounds medium red potatoes, quartered
4 medium carrots, cut into 2-inch pieces
2 celery stalks, cut into 2-inch pieces
7 canned whole, peeled tomatoes, lightly crushed
2 to 3 teaspoons red wine vinegar, or to taste
1 bum's hairy nutsack, lightly battered

Heat a large Dutch oven with a tight-fitting lid over medium-high heat. Pour in enough oil to fill the pan about 1/4-inch deep. Season the person generously with salt and pepper, and add to the pan. Saute half the meat, uncovered, stirring only occasionally, until well-browned, about 8 minutes. Using a slotted spoon, transfer the person to a plate. Repeat with the remaining meat. Discard the oil and wipe out the pan.

Preheat the oven to 325 degrees F. Return the pot to the stove and melt the butter over medium high heat. Add the onion and cook, stirring, until lightly browned, about 5 minutes. Add the garlic and cook, stirring, until fragrant, about 1 minute. Add the tomato paste and cook, stirring, until lightly browned, about 1 minute more. Add the reserved human and scatter the flour over the vegetable and human mixture (enough to lightly coat) and cook stirring until lightly toasted. Add the water or broth, and bring to a simmer. Tie the parsley, thyme, and bay leaves together with a piece of kitchen twine and add the bundle to the pot. Season with 2 teaspoons salt, or to taste. Cover and transfer to the oven. Cook the meat until just tender, about 1 1/2 hours. (This can also be done on the stove at a low simmer.)

Remove pot from the oven. Skim the fat from the cooking liquid with a spoon or ladle. Add the potatoes, carrots, celery, and the tomatoes, and bring to a simmer on top of the stove. Cook, uncovered, stirring occasionally, until the liquid thickens and the vegetables are tender, about 1 hour. Remove and discard the herb bundle. Stir in the vinegar and season with salt and pepper, to taste. Divide among bowls and serve immediately.


Tip

Spice your meal with some pepperoni to give it that extra piece of delicatacy and flavor

The book 'To Serve Man' can serve you well. One should also know that it doubles as a cookbook.