Do NOT drink wilst reading this... You have been warned!

[Bookworm]

So tomorrow, I have to go for a procedure... And to be fully ready for the event (as it were), I have been given some stuff to drink, which, as I understand it, will cleanse my innards of all possible obstructions. Fine.

 

Thing is, son no1 is coming back from France tonight and I have to go and pick him and his mates up at Gatwick, and funnily enough, I'd rather not be, erm, performing whilst en route. So, I thought I'd turn to my little friend Google to see how effective the stuff is and whether I can time it to take it without it interfering with my taxi duties.

 

So I typed in "Picolax" in the Google box, and I found this thread:

 

singletrackworld The Picolax Thread Returns

 

Now, take my word for it, do NOT take a sip of anything whilst reading, or you WILL be wiping your screen and keyboard, I have only just finishing wiping my eyes.

 

PS: As I was typing this, the endoscopy people phoned and they have cancelled my appointment for now!!! I am SOOOOO glad I hadn't actually started on the bloody thing!!!

 

*Bookie goes off to make herself some food now she can!*

[hilaryfrances]

;)lol

[mazbck]

Hi bookie, Ive had that stuff and its , erm, well how can I say it...... explosive stuff!!!!!!!!

[saintly_1]

Thanks for the warning Bookie ;-)

[mazbck]

Ok, Ive stopped crying now, and my sides arent hurting so bad........

[Ell-enn]

Hilarious!

[jowalshy]

OMG that is so funny

[jailbird]

I have just 'pee'd' myself laughing after reading this:eek: Literally !

 

If you have a look at 'what made you swear today' thread you will understand that I could not get to the loo in time due to injuries from earlier tonight.

[Bookworm]

I have to say I was just chortling on a low gear until I got to the episode where he had to phone the clinic and ask for more of the stuff, at which point things went quickly downhill.

[Desperate Daniella]

That was sooo funny. It wasn't funny when I was there. It was sooo painful and I screamed the place down. I was already on sedation, but I was yelling so loudly they knocked me out. I would highly recommend that.

[Spamalot]

Hilarious!!! Ooh Bookie is that what you've got to look forward to????

 

I shall listen out for the explosions and keep an eye on the sky to see if you float past..

[nowayjose]

When my OH took Picolax he came from the toilet, rubbing his butt saying.... someones swapped my ar53 with a water pistol....

[HSBCrusher]

Picolax turned my bum from it’s usual semi-dormant state:

a bit like Vesuvius; an impresssive and majestic sight with occasional noxious wiffs, regular minor expulsions of dangerous matter and a very rare display of awesome ferocity worthy of international news into:

a portal from another collapsing largely aqeous universe via which all compressed matter emerged at trans light speeds, expanding exponentially as it emerges from the “wormhole”.

If you think the widespread deluges of precipitation experienced this “summer” in any way approach “Biblical Proportions”, then rest assured by 09:00 tomorrow you will have ample personal evidence to entirely revise your delusion.

 

[pinkduchess]

I’ve got a bare arse with about 10 gallons of KY-Jelly in, on, and UP it.

I’m wearing a kids dress. (Backwards)

HMS Endoscope, is about “To boldly go . . .”

AND

YOU want to show it live on TV !!!

BUT

HA! HA! HA! That’s NOT the best bit, is it ? NO !!!

YOU WANT ME TO STAY AWAKE AND WATCH !!!

Look I may be daft enough to live on just yummy orange juice for a week, whilst suffering 4 YES F O U R !!! bouts of bowel movements big enough for Steven Hawking to test out his theories on.

But AWAKE ???

How blooody daft DO you think I am ?

Well that’s what I thought, but obviously being a BRITISH BLOKE what I actually said was.

 

“ok”

 

:grin:

[locutus]

After reading that I'd sugest a packet of baby wipes in the fridge bookie

[SOD'EM]

Bookie's about to give birth to a brown baby boy:p

 

[SOD'EM]

[SOD'EM]

Bookies offline.......

 

She must be releasing the prisoners:p.

[Spamalot]

This 'Picolax thread' must have really knocked Bookie for 6....

 

She's MISPELT 'whilst' in the thread title!!!!

[hilaryfrances]

:pyes I noticed that as well, what a ....bummer

[Bookworm]

Nope, my sachets are still there, unopened... Thank goodness I had found the Picolax thread and was still reading it when the clinic called to say my appointment had been adjourned, or I would have been in the same unfortunate predicament as the chap whose story I linked to.

[Ell-enn]

Whew, "Every day brings its own cares; and to anticipate is only to double them" :)

[silverfox1961]

I am an old hand with Picolax (and Fleet for that matter) and I can guarantee that you should move your kettle, tv, pc and bed into the loo as that's where you will be spending all your time after taking the sachets. Plenty of chilled baby wipes (move the freezer into the loo as well)

 

ALWAYS have a sedative. Would you want to remember someone shoving a (not so) flexible hosepipe(although it feels like a drainpipe) up your jacksee.

 

:)

fox

[Castlebest]

I'm sorry but the "we are now going to inflate you" and the levitation in the lift had me crying .

[Bookworm]

Ah well, here we go again, tomorrow is the grand opening if you'll forgive the expression...

 

Now bearing in mind that the tube up the bum episode is not somthing I am actually looking forward to (funny that), and that I get very very irritable when I go hypoglyceamic and that I am as of now on NBM until they have finished the exploration of the Chunnel (I'm assuming they'll know one crack is actually a natural part of the landscape and not a faultline...), on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being very very ill-tempered indeed, how angry do you think I will be by 8 tonight?