Message To Boris Johnson

[lateralus]

Dear Boris

From Someone Old Enough To Be Your Mother...........

I Do Understand That The London Olympics Will Be "more Intimate, Less Staged And Scaled Down" But Take A Word Of Advice.
When All Around You Have Their Jackets Buttoned - Button Yours!
Don't Put Your Hands In Your Pockets While On A Worldwide Stage
And
Stop Waving Like A Looney At The Crowd.

Good Luck In 2012!!!

Lateralus

[Castlebest]

Laffin, Nice one lattie but I think he will get away with it because, whether he stages his appearance or not, he does appear to be the archetypal "Brit" with just the right amount of eccentricity to pull it off <laffin>

[yourbank]

Lol!!!

[renegotiation]

I saw David Beckham talking after his stint at the Beijing closing ceremony. He only said 'You know' once and that was right at the end of his interview! I think he even noticed the slip himself and he smiled. He has obviously been told to cut out the 'You knows' if he wants to play a major role in the 2012 Olympics, other than posing, and has heeded the advice. He actually sounded articulate. Go David! I am a little gutted, as my years of Beckham mickey taking may soon be curtailed...

[Lula]

Oh bless, I have always liked DB, glad he wont be giving people the ammo to take the pee , still, he still has that old bag doesnt he. And as for Boris, I love him, he isnt the fool he appears to be!!

[HSBCrusher]

Originally Posted by Lula

Oh bless, I have always liked DB, glad he wont be giving people the ammo to take the pee , still, he still has that old bag doesnt he. And as for Boris, I love him, he isnt the fool he appears to be!!

we all know what boggy dreams of

[locutus]

Originally Posted by Lula

he still has that old bag doesnt he.

I'd hardly call Victoria old!! (bag I can't argue with tho)

[gyzmo]

Can someone tell me in what way the 8 minute presentation by the London Olympic committe or whoever it was representative of London or any part of the UK?

The "dancers" (were they dancers? I think I hear the word breakdancing - isn't that American?) looked like drop-outs from the local fashion and design college. Images of someone vandalising a wall. And when the bus stop everyone just rushed to the doors as though they were getting on. Well I suppose that is pretty much representative of Britain.

I commented before on the tackiness of the Manchester Commwealth games. Looks like we're going to do the same thing again. The rest of the world watching that ceremony must have wondered "what... the.... f**k....is....that"? For the first time, I feel embarrassed to say I am British.

[Lula]

Well at least we wont be havinbg "pretty " children lip syncing because it is more acceptable!!

[gyzmo]

No - we'll have a bunch of miscreants running riot instead. Here's what I think will happen.

After the arrival of Her Maj on a dustcart (because she is the People's Queen) everyone is asked to stand for the national anthems. Brits can be heard "nah nah nahing" just after the third line and mumbling the rest.

Speech by Gordon Brown on how cool London and accepting is. Keys words and quotas on getting them out are multicultural (3), inclusive (2), world family (4), Climate (2 terrorism (1), safety (2), everyones a winner (1,203,237,283)

Anytime the commentator mentions anything to do with the UK, his voice will sound more appropriate to a fairground ride.

For presenters, we will use some Z list celeb (pref. X Factor or Big Brother reject) who thinks s/he is funny and will continue making crap jokes despite the deafening silence.

The entire team will be given knighthood, freedom of the country, the papacy and named next in succession to the throne.

Someone (hopefully) will have a pop at that annoyingly stupid little racist f***wit brat Tom Daley.

Oh and can someone tell me where on a map I can find "team GB"? I've found GB but no country beginning with team.

[TheChancellor]

Originally Posted by gyzmo

Speech by Gordon Brown on how cool London and accepting is. Keys words and quotas on getting them out are multicultural (3), inclusive (2), world family (4), Climate (2 terrorism (1), safety (2), everyones a winner (1,203,237,283)

Ah, God loves an optimist.

Gordon Brown there in 2012?

I think it will be GBGB - Good Bye Gordon Brown long before then.

If things carry on as they are he could well be putting up his Christmas tree elsewhere.

Come to think of it I know where he could put it.

[fuzzybobble]

After the Millennium fiasco with the "river of fire" I just know something will go wrong in 2012.

The Olympic flame will have to wait until after the opening ceremony, as health and safety say it must be connected up by a Corgi registered fitter, but thy can't send one until tuesday afternoon. So Boris Johnson has to have the day off and wait in for them.

The firework display will take place outside the stadium, due to fire safety regulations. This will consist of 3 chavs with pack of sparklers and 2 petrol bombs.

The Olympic village isn't completed on time dispite going 300% over budget, so they use the houses of the old people who froze to death in the winter of 2011 because they couldn't afford to heat their homes.

All the foreign athletes will be entitled to claim child benefit and tax credits for th 4 weeks they are in the UK.

2 new events will be added. Queueing up, and Moaning in the pub about the price of everything while willingly paying £5 a pint for warm lager.

Chavs will be forced to hand in all their trainers and tracksuits, to save money buying new ones for the competitors. Soverign rings will be melted down to make the gold medals. Stella cans melted down to make the silver medals.

Gary Glitter will be employed to make sure none of the chinese gymnasts are under age.

Michael Barrymore will be in charge of drug testing the atletes.

The games will not be televised and during the games all pubs and off licences will be closed. This is due to the new laws coming into force in 2011, where it will be illegal to enjoy yourself in the UK.

Also please note that because of carbon tax rules, breathing tax will be increased by 10% to offset the carbon emissions from the athletes.

[locutus]

Don't be silly! they'll never get a breathing tax past the house of lords 'cos they're windbags full of hot air. More polution comes out there mouths than anywhere else !

[renegotiation]

Originally Posted by gyzmo

Someone (hopefully) will have a pop at that annoyingly stupid little racist f***wit brat Tom Daley.

I'm not a huge Daley fan, but if you are referring to him saying he was glad a non-Chinese person won the event he was in I don't think he was being racist. There were 8 diving golds up for grabs and the previous 7 had all been won by Chinese divers. He was just glad the Chinese didn't do a clean sweep. Not good for the sport. I admit it did sort of sound racist when he said it. He's only 14 though and will inevitably make the odd gaffe in the public spotlight. Maybe you were referring to another incident...

[fuzzybobble]

Originally Posted by renegotiation

I'm not a huge Daley fan, but if you are referring to him saying he was glad a non-Chinese person won the event he was in I don't think he was being racist. There were 8 diving golds up for grabs and the previous 7 had all been won by Chinese divers. He was just glad the Chinese didn't do a clean sweep. Not good for the sport. I admit it did sort of sound racist when he said it. He's only 14 though and will inevitably make the odd gaffe in the public spotlight. Maybe you were referring to another incident...

Could have been a worse gaffe. Like turning up at fancy dress party dressed as a Nazi officer.
I wonder what the ginger prince has planned for 2012? Can he beat sneaking around a corner in Iraq with a rifle knowing full well the nearest danger is miles away. But how brave he is say the media.

I'd parachute him into the middle of a minefield with 50 hungry chickens and a bag of corn. Then see how brave he is.

Peck, peck, peck........BOOOOM!!!