Nursery Rhymes Re Written

ukaviator · 15th November 2007, 13:01

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
The structure of the wall was incorrect
So he won a grand with Claims Direct.

Mary had a little lamb
her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her
between two chunks of bread.

Mary had a little lamb
it ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its feet
and turned its wool to nylon

Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie
kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play
he kissed them too cause he was gay.

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
And planned to do some kissing.
Jack made a pass
and grabbed her a.s
Now two of his teeth are missing.

Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was white and wispy.
Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease
And now it's black and crispy.

**Tilly** · 15th November 2007, 13:30

Mary had a little lamb
it,s fleece was white as snow
she took him to the slaughter house
and ordered chops to go

jowalshy · 15th November 2007, 14:35

Mary had a little Lamb,
She tied it to a pylon.
10,000 volts went up it's a***,
and turned it's wool to nylon

jowalshy · 15th November 2007, 14:38

JACK AND JILL Went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Dozy Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.

Kevboy_telford · 15th November 2007, 15:43

Mary had a little Lamb
Its fleece as white as snow
a Frenchman got a match to it
and now its all a-glow

wino · 15th November 2007, 15:57

Mary had a little lamb
She also had a bear
I've often seen her little lamb
But I've never seen her bear!

wino · 15th November 2007, 15:58

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
Stupid Jill forgot her pill
And now they have a daughter

pinkduchess · 15th November 2007, 16:06

Old mother Hubbard
Went to the Cupboard
To get her poor dog a bone.
When she leaned over
Rover took over
And gave her a bone of his own

:o ....lol

ukaviator · 15th November 2007, 16:22

PD really. . .

pinkduchess · 15th November 2007, 16:23

lol.....sorry - trust me to lower the tone

bazak1 · 15th November 2007, 17:11

ha ha ha !
little miss muffet,
sat on a tuffet,
eating her curds and whey,
along came a copper,
who took it all off her,
and gave her a £50 on the spot fine for eating in a public place.

Castlebest · 15th November 2007, 17:16

Little Boy Blue, come blow your horn,
the sheep's in the meadow, the cow's in the corn.
Where's the little boy who looks after the sheep?
Under the haystack, humping Bo Peep!

Castlebest · 15th November 2007, 17:29

one for the celebs

Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star
How you wonder where you are
In back alleys getting high
Until you choke and then you die :o

Castlebest · 15th November 2007, 17:37

and one that hasnt been re-written :o

I love little pussy,
Her coat is so warm,
And if I don’t hurt her,
She’ll do me no harm.
So I’ll not pull her tail,
Nor drive her away,
But pussy and I,
Very gently will play.

**Tilly** · 15th November 2007, 17:49

Hey diddle diddle
The cat had a piddle
All over the bedroom clock
the little dog laughed to see
such fun
then died of an electric shock

Mr Blue Sky · 15th November 2007, 18:02

Mary Mary quite contrary how does your garden grow?
Listen you prat i live in a flat so how the hell do i know?

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